Imagine yourself with a bunch of really, really, good friends. You spend a lot of time with them. Even if you don't see them, all of you still text each other and ask casual questions or just simply talk about everything that comes up in your mind. There might be little arguments/fights in between but one of you will apologize first, and everything will be solved again.
Two years or so passes. Most of you go separate ways, but still talk to each other quite often. All of you still talk to each other about random things, albeit not as much as before, but still considered a lot.
Another year passes. All of you still talk. But not as much as before too. Much lesser. But still considered all right.
Almost another year passes, and most of you do not talk to each other anymore. Not even text. Or call. Nothing at all. Yes, you miss them often, and you want to meet up with them, but they refuse to. They come up with excuses and lies. At first you're like, "Oh, it's alright, maybe another time then." And after a few times, you know you will never meet them again like years ago, or even if you do, it will not be as fun as how it was back then when all of you were a little younger.
If your friends seriously cared and treated you like you ARE their good good friend, they will not come up with excuses and lies and and would meet up with you no matter what it takes, because this is what good friends are for. Okay. Let's not take "going out" as an example, let's take "talking" for example. Would good friends NOT talk to each other at all? Not even text? I mean, hey. If they meant so little to you they wouldn't be your good friends in the first place, right?
Let's say you make effort to keep in touch with them. You talk to them, it goes all right for a while, and they start to make you feel like you're "annoying" them. So you don't actually know if you should keep talking to them because you don't know if they still treat you as their good friend. It's like, you make a great deal of effort to talk to them, to catch up, to keep in touch, but they do not wish to talk to you at all. Not even be friends anymore.
Yeah, they claim to "miss" you and say that all of you should hang out "soon". But where's the talking? How do all of you go out when you don't even take the initiative to ask your bunch of good ol' friends to "go out"? You need more than just words. You need the actions, not just some small talk and not do anything at all.
I am sick of always being the one to hold on to this friendship. I am sick of always being the one to take the initiative. I am sick of missing this bunch of friends and feeling doubtful that they even miss me at all. I came across a quote on Tumblr just now, and it actually made me kind of sad.
“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”
| — | Carl Jung |
I have no one to tell this to, so I'll just rant all of it here, don't mind me, thanks. Just feeling a lil' emotional right now. I'll be fine in no time, you know me. ;-)
Also, one of this pretty good friend of mine has this fucking attitude which I really CAN'T stand at all. Sometimes, you ask her questions which you genuinely don't know, and she's like giving you that face as if you're an idiot or something, or roll her eyes and say, "Are you serious?" And I'm like YEAH, that's why I asked this fucking question. I have tolerated her for a veeeeery long time and I'm seriously kind enough to remain as good friends with her.
Now I get why so many dislike her. Maybe all along I was trying to look at the good side of her and trying to put up with her but now I have had ENOUGH of her fucking attitude and I don't wish to keep up with it anymore. I don't deserve this. And I am already starting to hate her. She can be really nice at times but at other times she is as rotten as a rotten rotten rotten log. I bet if she read this she'll know that I'm talking about her, but I don't give a fuck really, because she will never read this. (I guess.)
Also, since I moved on to polytechnic, I am happy but not that happy anyway. I like my friends, but I don't love them. They are really different from all my friends in the past and it's really hard for me to get used to it. I mean, they are really nice, really. But they don't give me the feeling... You know? Ugh. I really don't know how to put them into words. Sorry. It's like you don't feel as happy as you were in the past. I think that's what I was trying to say.
I have another really serious problem but I don't feel like it's appropriate for me to type it out here, so I'll just save it. And sorry for the foul language used in this post because it suits my mood right now. Till then.
(If any of you wants to share your problems here as well, feel free to comment on this post, thanks!)
No comments:
Post a Comment